if i never was

if there is a €rime

it must be me.

if there is a wound

it must be the one I carved.

if there is a villain I know her name

it is mine.

every word I spoke

now feels like poison.

every smile I gave

looks like a mask.

every kindness was a mistake

I should never have offered.

My voice—an omen’s toll.

My being—a €rime carved into time

I never meant to COMMIT.

drip

d r i p

d

r

i

p

my hands—basin of tears

holding proof of my b r e a k i n g.

tell me—

am I really so unworthy,

so cheap,

so untrustworthy?

i want to scream

but the scream remains i n s i d e

throat tightened,

lungs shut,

chest = coffin.

I wish I had never existed.

I wish these lungs never filled.

I wish this heart never beat.

I wish this skin never trapped me inside.

because it feels like

all I do is bruise others by being alive.

all I do is hurt myself by being here.

maybe the world would breathe easier

if I were gone,

erased,

dust swept under

someone else’s tomorrow.

so

I blame me.

I blame me.

I blame me.

until silence becomes the only language.