"I WON'T LET GO"

I Won’t Let Go.

-An Abscrat Poem-

How can I give up and just let go?

It has never been an option for ‘we’ is all I know.

He is a part of me, I am part of him.

I need to fight and not give in.

I get scared in the hours dark,

That I am not first that you find in your heart.

He is loyal and faithful committed and so,

But the monkey on his back just has to go!

The beast eats away at him inside and out,

He gets scared to but never tells me what about.

Both our lives orbit his habit,

When he is well, he promises me,

Things that will never come to be.

Some days when there is not hope,

Because of the monkey and the dope.

I sit and think until it hurts, in the manmade darkness,

Another day comes to an end,

And I sit have not had a chance to speak to my friend.

This repeats over and over again and again,

This situation is insane.

But still I won’t let go how can I,

I am committed and ready and I have no time to cry.

But I don’t know where to start my lover and friend,

The monkey has you blinded again.

But I stand with you,

For I have had this monkey sit on my shoulder too.

I know how you feel, I know where you’re at,

It’s not easy, you’re a man versing a monkey, you are bigger stronger-

Please never forget that.

Perhaps on payday you can just use your dose,

And on the way home buy the ingredients to make pizza bread.

My heart is breaking as I know who you can be,

Wild, fascinating, curious, intellectual and the many that loves me.

Not a faded imitation of the man I know.

Reversed, sick, tense, and it becomes my fault, you get angry and want to call it over, let me go.

Reality shifts, life changes again.

This is a living nightmare, I wanted to live today.

Things have become unequal, but I still shall not stray.

Some would say walk away, it is not fair ‘you should walk away’.

My answer not my friend, I’m fighting this war until its bitter end.

This is breaking me I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how to bring you back,

Enough for you to get fight, to fight your monkey, attack.

Perceptions have changed, this is not normal to do.

But you think it is like I used to.

All you have to do is decide to stop,

Then I and your loved ones can help you, again decide to stop.

Not for me, or our beautiful, little family,

But for you, I know you can do it actually.

For you were the one I banished many monkeys my myself,

I was nearly dead, in a horrid position,

But you spoke and I listened.

Then I was free,

To return to me.

You save my life showed me the love and things I had.

You guided me back, kept me good, not bad.

I am stronger now, I won’t go back to that,

But I love you XXXX, remember it’s me Matt.

I want to do this for you,

Keep you alive and healthy too.

But then I remember from deep in my heart,

I can only help you once you say yes and do your part.

I don’t want to lose you to death, to the junkies,

And you ingenuine friends.

Where will they be in this war?

I know they won’t be there to support you.

But when I talk about, Reach out with my hand,

You say you have it covered and silence you then demand.

Like I said I’m here to the bitter end,

Whatever it shall be my friend.

But this is my decision, I want to fight to get you free.

Chase that monkey around the bend, chase back to other places if that should be.

But if it should be that the monkey wins, and you leave or die.

How will I start over? Knowing I’m on earth while you fly through the sky.

I cry as I write these words, I wish I did not have to be saying this, wish none of this had to be said.

But I won’t just stand here and watch you become the living dead!

I may sound stupid or even dumb,

But back to me I want you to come.

For you are my man and I am your boy,

And becoming one again I wish to enjoy.

You are better than this and I hate this! It’s no way to live,

I wish you could feel it in my kisses I give.

This won’t happen overnight and there will be falls, and spills,

Terminate the monkey before it kills.

I will wait for you and waste the time it takes,

To recover from the monkeys wakes.

Come back my friend,

I won’t let go.