I Wish To Be Forgotten

In the days when I was singing along to Hilty and McPhee,

Hoping against hope that you “Don’t Forget Me,”

I never would’ve thought that someday

I’d be fighting for a way,

Trying to figure out the words to properly convey

That ‘I wish to be forgotten.’

.

At night, when the world is at rest,

As I lie exhausted after another day of trying my best,

I look to the skies, heart wondering, ‘Why can’t they just leave me be?’

This is all I pray:

That someday I’ll be free.

.

You see,

People have both forgotten and remembered me.

I can’t say that I care for the latter,

No, not any longer.

Unless it’s by those who truly matter.

.

Of course, I wish to be remembered

By those whose lives I have touched,

By those whom I have loved,

By those whose hearts I have reached.

However, I ache for the anonymity I once had and so cherished.

.

I yearn for the days when I could walk down the street

And only those I’m familiar with would recognize me.

The days when I wasn’t unfairly judged

By those who have never met me,

And who know nothing about who I am.

.

Don’t they have lives of their own?

Are they so perfect and without fault

That they can sit on their pedestals,

Passing judgment upon the rest of us?

Have they never made a mistake?

.

Was it broadcast for all the world to see?

Was it expanded, greatly exaggerated, with fabrications added too?

They couldn’t know,

Nor do they care

To ever learn the truth.

The gossip and the headlines are more intriguing by far.

No one gives a thought to how deeply such words scar.

.

Oh, I ache for the past, the days of my youth,

As they wag their tongues, they turn away.

If they only knew the truth,

They’d no longer add salt to the wounds they rub.

They wouldn’t scoff, scorn, or snub.

If they only knew the truth.

.

They’d see how wrong they’ve all been about me.

They’d know that I was not to blame,

That there was no merit to any part of such a monstrous claim.

I may feel shame, this is true,

But it’s not for the reasons they believe.

It’s simply because I couldn’t save the people who mattered most.

I couldn’t stop them from having to suffer through all of this pain.

Don’t you see? Our lives will never be the same again.

.

So, when you look into my eyes,

You’ll find it’s where the whole truth lies.

There’s a depth of pain that I internalize,

A well of sadness that runs deeper than you’ll ever realize,

And shame for mistakes you’d love to criticize.

.

When will the past be allowed to rest in peace?

When will your analyses finally cease?

I have learned from my mistakes.

I have seen how high the stakes.

Now, forget about me, please.

I’m done trying to appease.

Done trying not to slip off your ever-widening trapeze.

.

You’ve already stolen all of my 30s.

Yet with it came wisdom and expertise.

In time our pain will finally ease,

If only you’d just forget about me, please.

.

No amount of words could soothe.

Let us be free to talk and move.

Our reclamation would behoove

Because now there’s nothing left to prove.

.

Please, forget about me.

Allow us to just be.

No one should have to live in such uncertainty.

We need room to breathe,

So, please…

.

Won’t you finally forget about me?

. . .

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This poem was originally published on Medium.