I wish I could have said goodbye
I wish I knew how
I sat here for weeks, trying to hold everything together
By strings that slowly ripped further and further
But how do you say goodbye to someone you barely knew?
You are saying goodbye to the chance of ever knowing them
Of them ever knowing you
But as I sit here in tears
Allowing the rolling hills of emotion to take their own shape within me
All I want to do is say “I loved you”
To the being and the spirit now dissolved back into the energy
I know he can hear me and I know he is at peace
But I wish that in my last video I had the words to say more
I wish I had the words to release
I had made plans
Plans to spend time with this person who has shaped my life from afar
Without you, I would not have the most amazing father
A father with the kindest heart
Without you I would not be alive
But in the process of being without you
I realize I never had you
I never had the grandfather that is there with sage wisdom at the very moment that you need it
The grandfather that shares his life story from a time long ago
Every time I saw you, I knew I loved you
Every time we left, I knew I wanted to know you
But I am not angry nor do I hold ire
Because I know you did your best
And I know you loved me from your retire
I just wish that gap, that gapingly large ocean, had closed
Had closed before your time on this earth ended
And I wish I had told you that amidst the whole in my throat where no words sprang
I am so happy you are now at peace
I can feel it deep in my body, in that space where our energy was always shared and held dear
I could feel it when Mother rang
A rush of stillness and calm so foreign from that I hear
I knew in that moment that it was you
Saying everything is ok
If it is not too much to ask, please come back once and a while
Maybe we can still get to know each other as you go about your new day
Maybe we can rekindle what we never knew
Maybe I can whisper to your soul one last time
That I will always love you
About the Creator
Lilia Gestson
What does it mean to truly paint with language? I always knew there was a special magic held within our words and how we choose to use them. Now I am discovering this magic for myself - through the art of the written word✿ My Website ✿
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