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I Wish I Could Have Said Goodbye

A Poem

By Lilia GestsonPublished 2 years ago 2 min read
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I wish I could have said goodbye

I wish I knew how

I sat here for weeks, trying to hold everything together

By strings that slowly ripped further and further

But how do you say goodbye to someone you barely knew?

You are saying goodbye to the chance of ever knowing them

Of them ever knowing you

But as I sit here in tears

Allowing the rolling hills of emotion to take their own shape within me

All I want to do is say “I loved you”

To the being and the spirit now dissolved back into the energy

I know he can hear me and I know he is at peace

But I wish that in my last video I had the words to say more

I wish I had the words to release

I had made plans

Plans to spend time with this person who has shaped my life from afar

Without you, I would not have the most amazing father

A father with the kindest heart

Without you I would not be alive

But in the process of being without you

I realize I never had you

I never had the grandfather that is there with sage wisdom at the very moment that you need it

The grandfather that shares his life story from a time long ago

Every time I saw you, I knew I loved you

Every time we left, I knew I wanted to know you

But I am not angry nor do I hold ire

Because I know you did your best

And I know you loved me from your retire

I just wish that gap, that gapingly large ocean, had closed

Had closed before your time on this earth ended

And I wish I had told you that amidst the whole in my throat where no words sprang

I am so happy you are now at peace

I can feel it deep in my body, in that space where our energy was always shared and held dear

I could feel it when Mother rang

A rush of stillness and calm so foreign from that I hear

I knew in that moment that it was you

Saying everything is ok

If it is not too much to ask, please come back once and a while

Maybe we can still get to know each other as you go about your new day

Maybe we can rekindle what we never knew

Maybe I can whisper to your soul one last time

That I will always love you

heartbreak
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About the Creator

Lilia Gestson

What does it mean to truly paint with language? I always knew there was a special magic held within our words and how we choose to use them. Now I am discovering this magic for myself - through the art of the written word✿ My Website

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