I Will Never Be Thin

I have always wondered what it must be like to be skinny.

My mind constantly wonders about what it might be like if I did not despise my reflection.

I cannot help but wishing I was someone else, someone better.

I don't normally hate, I envy, I envy girls.

Skinny, beautiful, longhaired girls.

The ones that would have my high school crush wrapped around

their tiny petite finger. I envy girls who love what's in the mirror.

I envy girls who put me down in middle school and ignored me in highschool. I envy girls with long straight hair and a size 00 waist.

I would give anything to be like them, except for stopping eating of course.

I truly don't think I could ever see myself like that.

I was the one that was bullied and called FAT.

I was the one who did not meet society's expectations.

I was the one that kept eating even after the doctor mumbled "overweight"

I only hate myself because I never saw anything worth loving.

I would love to know the feeling of selflove.

I want to be pretty, I want to be loved, I want to be confident.

I want to know what it feels like to accept a compliment, I mean really accept a compliment.

But that's just not me. I am not those girls and I never will be.