I Was Slowly Killing Myself
Here I tell my story, the hard struggle of dealing with anorexia. I have written this because I hope someone, somewhere reads this and calls out for help. I hear you and we all hear you. This is a part of your story but will NOT be the end of it.
I was slowly killing myself
Staring at a mirror, yet seeing everything else but me
I was unhappy, unmotivated and nothing I did ever changed that
I was watching the world pass me by but was simply to numb to move
I was an anorexic girl living in a big world
Completely surrounded by beauty norms thrown at me that I couldn't handle
And what was left was bones
No flesh
No warmth
Nothing to love
And still I will never be thin enough
It was a constant battle with the mind because I was so hungry and so weak
But my mind created a monster
And she called for war
Anorexia is a mental illness with physical side effects
When you stop eating it's okay because at first your stomach only growls enough for you to hear
But then you begin to fall suddenly into a depression that has taken over
So fast
So fast that you never had any time to stop it
You begin to forget what it means to live
You forget things
You forget that you used to feel all right
You forget what it means to feel alright because you feel like shit all the time
And you can't remember what it was like before
People take the feeling of full for granted
They take for granted the feeling of steadiness of hands that do not shake
Heads that do not ache
Stomachs that do not begin to wake up the night
Calves and thighs knotting in muscles that are beginning to eat away at themselves
And I know I don't look fat
But I feel fat
And I see fat
And although it's been better
It will never go away
About the Creator
larysa leanne
-a nineteen year old writer-
simply trying to make a mark on the world
with her broken pen
film student | Toronto, ON
follow me on other socials v
instagram: @lollarysa
snapchat: @larysa017
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