i've nothing to contribute

i suppose my fears are choking me, as they always do,

i am at a very odd place in my life,

dreams i envisioned as a child have yet to come true,

dreams i was so sure of happening by this age,

dreams i once felt deserving of that i no longer do,

i am not ready to let them go,

in five months i will be twenty-three,

my, how much time i have wasted waiting for my life to begin when it has

been,

i know it is not ever too late to start,

or maybe that is what i am telling myself to feel better about my mistakes,

for the reality is the younger you are at achieving success the louder you are

applauded

and i know twenty-three is young still,

maybe i am just a bit impatient,

i always want things now,

perhaps success is not determined by how society views it

but by how you define it,

i know it is,

i just feel more lost than ever,

perhaps i am holding on to old visions of my life because that is the only

form of innocence i have now,

the only childlikeness i feel,

mindless daydreams and a hope for a life in which i am seen,

in which i am heard,

in which i am adored,

or perhaps i am holding on to them so not to disappoint those who know

my desires of a life fantastic,

how should i feel now that i am no longer that sixteen-year-old girl,

now that i have been tried by time

and been experienced by the world,

should it be okay if my definition of a life fantastic means something

different to hers?

perhaps it is okay to let that go,

to let her go,

but i do not want to dissapoint her,

i can not disappoint another person,

there are so many things i wish to do in this life

and i am no longer looking to waste time,

is it okay to change your path completely?

it seems so daunting

and i only feel guilty for doing so,

i hate age,

it is just a number,

i am teetering on the line of giving in to the world and saying fuck you,

i am only wishing to mean something to someone,

i am only concerned with leaving the earth a bit better than it was when i

entered it in this body,

my mind is so divided,

i have to define what that means to me,

so i will