I told myself

I told myself I would never lie

But there I was telling my mom I did not do the exact thing I did

I told myself I would never steal

But there I was taking a candy from the isle

I told myself I would never talk bad about my friends behind their backs

But there I was talking shit about them to fit in with others

I told myself I would never be in an abusive relationship

But there I was being hit in the face by my boyfriend in high school

I told myself I would never lose my virginity before marriage

But there I was 5 months pregnant on my wedding day

I told myself I would never lose my faith

But there I was not even talking to God anymore

I told myself I would never be in an abusive relationship again

But there I was being verbally hurt constantly by my husband

I told myself I would never get divorced

But there I was a 27-year-old divorcee

I told myself I would never get drunk

But there I was waking up with throw up in my bed

I told myself I would never hurt anyone

But there I was hurting my friends and family

I told myself I would never let a man hurt me

But there I was telling him no and he didn’t listen

I told myself I would never hurt myself

But there I was with the blade against my skin

I told myself I would never kill myself…

And that is a promise I shall never break