I stand here

I stand in the kitchen full of unbridled rage as he yells across the living room and into my ears

I stand so silently as he mocks me with no hesitation

Mocks me for telling my family about the abuse he inflicted on me

I say to myself, “I tried to leave everyday.”

I should’ve tried harder until I got out but I am stuck with my abuser until I finally can make my own money

But I am standing here silently watching my own decisions being flattened by his hand

I wanted to make him feel as small as I did for countless years

But instead I walked away

Standing silently until the rage turns into self-respect and dignity

Standing silently until I can stand up loudly without fear of being shot down, mentally berated and treated less than

How can I survive? I ask myself

You survived far, far worse, I then reply

I cannot be old and still dealing with this, I say

I must find a way to stand.