I Should, But I Don't

I should feel happy and contented, but I barely do.

I should feel beloved, but I just feel stuck with you.

I should be more attentive to our child, but kid stuff makes me stressed.

I should be an uber, volunteer parent, but after work, I just need rest.

I should take the dog for walks, but why should I be the only one?

I should clean the house on weekends, but that leaves no time for fun.

I should do something to improve our now, since tough times never last.

But all my daily energy goes into managing basic work and family tasks.

I should do all these things and more, but my motivation is gone.

Each day is a raging battle to just make it through and get along.

I should take better care of myself, but I don't remember how.

It's not dissimilar to the way I now ignore a core wedding vow.

I should have told you this in private, but we barely talk at all.

The minimal attention you give makes me unimportant, small.

I don't want the life I have, but I can’t envision anything else.

I no longer can imagine a hopeful and enjoyable version of myself.