I See Now

I see now. So clearly.

What everyone’s always been talking about; Me being naive.

Illusory.

Delusional.

Blind.

How Love is blind.

But you know what –

Thank god for neuroplasticity because I see now. So clearly. How easy this all must have been for you.

See, before, I had always been so wrapped up in the Me Show that, sometimes, oftentimes, I would forget your character’s background - the immediate circumstances, in particular, you found yourself in when you met me.

And even there! I almost said “when I found you” or “when I met you.” How silly of me to only consider the me-to you. How inconsiderate not to consider the you-to-me.

How foolish almost to make the same mistake twice.

But today is different -- because I finally see.

I finally understand how easy it must have been, for someone like yourself, to hog my light.

Suck it away.

And use it for your sole gain.

S-o-l-e. Yours. Alone.

Because I finally see that when I met you - you were so bound.

So chained.

So stuck in a life you swore was going somewhere fast, but making no real internal progress. Never stopping to look at yourself and ask: Am I happy? Is this really what I want? Or am I trying to live up to someone elses' expectations?

You were so much potential wrapped up in your own bonds, your own perception of your situation that you couldn't even fathom a way out.

When I met you, we argued about being happy. You had so much stress and exuded so much bitterness, I’m surprised you could hear me at all through all that negativity in the first place.

So how easy, then. Must it have been for you to simply bask and bake in this essence of hope and belief I brought to you.

How easy for you to let me clear the air, put myself out there so boldly and embarrassingly, just so you can hear the Truth with a tablespoon of honey to swallow down with it.

How easy for you to let me baby you.

Because, because I don’t know if you know, but it’s a lot of work loving someone - especially loving you but

Dammit. Dammit, did I do it.

Made sure to water your nature daily.

Made sure you knew you were admired and cared for and respected.

I fed your sense of purpose. Conversation always riddled with tales of self growth and a question towards the future. I took the stance, the chance to challenge you - for your best interest - every time.

And I had no reason to do any of that. Other than to see you happy and successful.

And in such a dark time -- how easy, how almost natural for you to eat it up.

Gobble it up so quick, finishing it all before I had even noticed I gave it to you.

I see that now. Now that you’re off. Presumably pursuing your dreams. Doing that which, hopefully, makes you happy.

And in this sense, I suppose I truly got what I asked for.

You are free.

And as such, I should see this as a success.

But I guess… I guess I’m just saying:

If you do not love me, or even like me, in any capacity

At least a thank you would be nice. For the help, and my shoulders to stand on.

Because I see now what you gained from me - an acknowledgement would be nice.

Because I see now how you used me - at least a thank you would be nice.