i’m supposed to be better by now
Why am I not better?
I’m supposed to be better by now.
Why am I not better?
I don’t have time to not be better.
I have little eyes watching me
Waiting for me to tell them
Everything’s going to be okay
And life is worth living
Do I even believe that?
I have friends
Who need me
To just hang out
And smile
And laugh at their jokes
Get out of bed
When we have plans
Not have breakdowns in bars
Or panic walking down the street
I have parents
Who didn’t ask
For their child to be this way
Medical bills
They shouldn’t have to pay
Money dropped
On a lost cause
I have a little girl
Inside me
Who needs to know
That she is enough
That she is loved
That she’s going to make it
Do I even believe that?
I don’t have time to not be better.
Why am I not better?
I’m supposed to be better by now.
About the Creator
Joann Claude
“I'm not sure why
I have the inexplainable urge
To tell everyone I come in contact with
That I'm dying”
-a million thoughts all at once after a brief interaction with a customer at work
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Spectating
I can't imagine dying like this, in a place like this; on a cold, dirty pavement with rush hour traffic screaming by and a crowd looking on while paramedics struggle to find space to move. Who could? Deep down we all think there should be a reason, a moment of clarity... or a family presence, at least. For this man, this boy, the rail thin woman lighting a cigarette in a faux fur jacket will have to do - she's been here since the start, her eyes tracking the movement of my shoulders as we fight to keep him on the right side of the line.
By S. A. Crawford7 days ago in Fiction
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