I Know You Don't Understand

I know you don’t understand.

You think I should love myself as much as you love me, but I can’t.

I know you don’t understand.

You think the way you love me should just make all of my insecurities disappear, make me instantly happy in my skin, but it doesn’t.

I know you don’t understand.

You get mad when I cry when I wake up in the morning and know I’m going to have a bad body day. I wish I could wake up everyday, look in the mirror, and smile, but I can’t.

I know you don’t understand.

You get mad when I tell you "I hate myself today." You think you’re not doing enough, even though you’re doing more that I could ever wish for. I wish I could love myself for you, but I can’t.

I KNOW you don’t understand.

You think that there’s NO reasons for me not to love myself, I see a million. I wish I didn’t, but I do.

I KNOW you DON’T understand.

You see me in a way I will never, you see no reason for me to have insecurities. You tell me to "forget about them" and "get over them." I wish I could, but I can’t.

I KNOW YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.

You get angry and tell me when you’re feeling down, you remember that I love everything about you and you feel better. You don’t understand why I can’t do the same, why what you say to me "isn’t good enough." It is. It really is. I wish I could convince my brain to believe all the lovely things you tell me, BUT I CAN'T.

I wish I could love my body just the way it is, but right now I can’t.

I need you to understand that.

For me.

I’m sorry.