I don't want to imagine another time

another place where you don't exist in-between

the folds of time. that's where I find the longing

in the places that you left far behind. to take me

there would be another thing. and that's not a

place you're ready to fall yet. me? i take a turn

and then another. i am forever folding myself

up like so many pieces of a napkin left dirty for

the meal it couldn't hold. is it warm where you

are? is there smiling in the sun and dancing to

the songs you never liked? i wonder what kind

of hell you've made. what kind of choices you

allow to get under your skin. made in another

time, you weren't meant for a world that didn't

want your pain. needlessly resilient, watching 

you take on the dawn was to witness a falling

start. graceless and insecure was on the dress

you wore. and in that time we knew there was

nothing else to be said. i don't want to imagine

another time. in another place. in another bed.

i don't want to imagine another way of being

or that longing in the places between the pain

you left behind. i don't want to imagine your

face. flecks of gold laced in amber. i don't see

another way i could imagine any less. to you

there is nothing but the setting sun. to me a-

nother year awaits. i don't want to imagine

you in it. i don't want to imagine you here.

tomorrow we will mourn your memory but

today we hold fast to the fact that 

you are gone and we are freed. 

© 2022 E.B. Johnson