I AM WAITING

I am waiting to be freed from my vices.

I am waiting for full sanctification.

I am waiting for less nuance and ambiguity,

For the world to line up with my black and white thinking.

I am waiting for my humanity to slide down my face

Like make-up running from beads of sweat

On a steamy, suffocating day.

I am waiting for capitalism to finally robot-ify me,

Perfectly efficient, limited maintenance required.

But I am not waiting for those things. Instead,

I am waiting to be released into acceptance,

An embrace, an acknowledgement

Of all my flaws and gritty imperfections.

I am waiting for my weaknesses to situationally shine

Like strengths and dull back into weaknesses.

I am waiting to run into walls of nuance and ambiguity,

Confused about where I am,

Face pressed against the brick, studying every detail.

I am waiting to reach sporadically, infrequently

For the mask of performance,

Pulling it out only on special occasions,

Shaking off the dust.

I am waiting to be a soft animal and a creature,

Going down to the water to marvel,

To make sacred the stratification lines

Along the creek-bed walls.