i am trying

i’ve been crying so much for so long my eyes are pink and raw

rubbing tears away hurts the bruise

so i let them drop to my lips

i taste the salt

and it stings my open wound

i swear i don’t mean for this to come out poetic

i just think it’s all kind of pathetic

and i haven’t looked in the mirror or brushed my hair in days

im scared of feeling normal again

just to have it washed away

and im scared to feel productive

just to have it become a waste

but i know i don’t have the options to be sad even if i’m having a real shit day

this was supposed to be a two liner

but my brain is full of thoughts that fight each other

on one hand i am ready to do what it takes to stay here

and on the other, i know ive never been a born fighter

this time i don’t get the luxury to pick and choose

i guess we will call this another break down to break through

everything is gonna be okay

i know i deserve peace

i know where i belong

from now on

i just need to take everyday with ease

do what i can

clip my dead roots and re-plant

i can’t keep losing myself it’s time to be in my body

there’s more at stake than my own mortality

-g.m.t.