I am the 1

I wouldn’t say you were a waste of time

Just a waste of healing

5 years down the drain of the shower I stopped cleaning

It only took 4 months of your unintentional deceiving to

3

2

1

Make me want to stop breathing

The blame is not on you

I let you take my power

on one August day when you took yours

You devoured

everything I had left in me,

for you made me weak and

instead of holding me

you let go of me

And so..

I did too.

I lost my worth trying to keep it

I showed my soul

For what reason?

To be told “I love you”

has no meaning

If they never stay or take a chance on believing

that I can be enough

You made me feel like less thereof

I feel embarrassed that I felt so much

That I grieved so loud

That everyone’s ears were ringing from the sound

Except yours—

Especially, mine.

I went deaf

from being love blind

I’ll forever stay upset but I’ve been getting you off my mind

You don’t deserve to dwell in there

So you’ll run in to my walls

That I’ll never let down again

That’s my fault

For thinking abandonment wouldn’t come from you

Like it’s always come from everyone

I must trust no one

Especially my hope

Although, I gave some to myself when I checked in to the ward

I chose to take my power back instead of my life

Locked up for 6 days

Drugged for 5

Made a group of 4 beautiful souls including mine

Been free for 3 days and the Zoloft seems to being working fine

But I’d be lying if I said in those first few hours of silence

That I didn’t want you there

But that faded

and it wouldn’t before

That’s when I noticed my strength was back

My alone finally felt like home again

With 2 dogs and 2 cats

One house, that you left

I will never let me lose myself for anyone else

If I ever love again

I’ll remember your lesson, that is

Not of love

Not of betrayal

Not of lust

I studied

Now I’ll ace it

Your lesson

Was never mine to learn

That was all for you.. you’re welcome

Now that you’re gone

I can finally get what I’ve earned

6 days

5 years

4 months

3 friends

2 choices

I

am the 1.