I Am So Tired

I-I am so tired

I am so exhausted

it's not that I don't get much sleep, that's not the case

I get my full 8 hours, sometimes even more.

Mentally exhausted

my emotions are spinning round and round in my head

like a merry-go-round at my favorite playground

Tired of feeling so alone.

Like I am in outerspace, stuck in shuttle all by myself

Feeling so claustrophic.

Wishing I could step outside and just stop breathing

Don't get me wrong, I am suicidal, but I could never kill myself

I have too much to live for

Everyday I do something that can kill me

like when I bring my cancer sticks to my lips knowing that every drag of nicotine

can kill me

Everytime I ride my motorcycle into the sunset without my helment, I know what can partake

I know the risks

I don't have no courage to take a gun to my head

no courage to put a rope around my neck

I can't swallow a bottle of pills

I don't see myself doing that

my life is like a rollercoaster you see at the county fair

the positives and the negatives going up and down

I am so tired

I am so tired of feeling like a boulder is lying on my chest

i want to escape

Escape the loneliness that lies within me.

I want to feel the happiness that I know I can have

like lying under a nice soft warm blanket

with my favorite music playing, reading my favorite books

and hopefully lying with my man/woman I love so dearly

Feeling that warm comfort of happiness

I

I am so tired.