I am Pisces

I am Pisces

There are birds behind my eyes, lonely for the sky.

My rest often cut short by the jagged edge of broken dreams.

I crave that deep slumber where I forget the now.

Forget the turmoil that surrounds my life.

I comfort.

I would release the angry red glare of those that wish to hurt,

the ones around me in pain.

How can I make it right?

I wrap my arms around them all.

Shower them with lullabies of warm summer rain,

the kind that you feel through your whole being.

I dance.

My body sways back and forth like a soft wave,

lapping at the shore.

There is mystery here.

The eternal presence that is life pulsing and radiating true.

I smell the sea and turn, hoping to find you standing there,

but I am alone.

I dance on the graves of the fools,

who wasted their lives following others.

That will never be me.

Fire in my eyes,

I am a zany little witch in white.

I am a victim.

A mirror leans against the wall,

a dusty old blanket covering it.

I gaze into the reflection, and my younger self stares back.

Full of hope and innocence.

She follows a young man into the woods.

Laughing and full of joy. Nothing will ever hurt her.

“I’ll be right back!” My younger self says. “Let me slip into a smile.”

She stripped down to the flesh and clad herself in lies.,

A foolish grin envelopes her face.

I want to tell her it’s okay to be all she is,

to laugh,

to cry,

to shun those who doubt.

“fly!”

I want to tell her not to follow him.

“Don’t go…” I whisper to the image, touching the glass.

I could swear our eyes meet, then she turns back and follows him.

I remember his eyes,

colored like the sky and wine and bread.

How, after,

he reached out and touched my face and left again to dance by the river.

Leaving me feeling split in two.

Freedom has gone,

and friendship forgot the moment the sun brushed my cheek.

I am alone.

My body thick with child, eyes sad.

Lonely. I sit in the car, staring at the road as it passes by.

The sun is disappearing behind Susitna,

slowly dragging its shadow over the city below.

I wonder if anyone would notice if I just vanished,

I poke at the sky to see if it makes stars.

I am wise.

Around the corner there is joy.

A million tiny fireflies dance in the sky,

as we gaze from the roof through paper towel binoculars.

Small arms wrapped around me,

so full of love, my heart swells.

I hear music.

The warm earth embraces me,

and I feel the energy of eternity as I realize I am who I need to be.

A harmony of colors and tones,

erupting in sync with my heart’s song

I dream.

I heard her voice above the music.

“What do you want to be?” She whispers.

Anguish engulfs me. I do not wish to separate from her, but I must answer.

“Hope,” I breathe, “I wish to bring peace, if only for a moment.”

She shifts, and I feel her sorrow, for we are one.

“You do not choose a simple path,” she says.

“Will you choose something safer?

“If you take joy, you will be bright and carefree. Your wings will be quick, and your feathers radiant.”

“You will feel excitement and freedom.”

“Not this time,” I reply.

“But you are my favorite, will you choose mystery instead? You can hold the key to knowledge and be the master of mystery.”

“No, I must follow my path,” I say.

“I can not bear to see you crushed.”

“How about passion?”

You can fuel the world with your fire and zeal.”

“They will listen to your voice.”

“I must try,” I declare.

“I am afraid when you go,” she confides,

“I am empty without you.”

“Yet I will lift her.”

“You will be neglected, shoved deep down when you are most needed.”

“Yet I will thrive when she nourishes me,

“growing to encompass all who are brave enough to see.”

“They will despise you and fear you.”

“And I will love them.”

The oneness shifted. It was time.

I am alive.

My eyes blink open.

The first ray of daylight seeping through a cracked curtain.

Outside, the wind sings its song, invisible as the many pieces of me.

I stretch my legs and rise like the sun, feeling renewed.