I Am Okay

Sleep doesn't come naturally to me.

Then again, I suppose I don’t help it.

They say social media uses the colour blue because it represents daylight so people spend longer on it at night.

Sometimes I think this fact was written for me.

Some nights, I watch YouTube or Netflix to help me fall asleep.

I put my headphones on to do this because my mum always told me reading a book was a better solution and she wouldn't agree with using screens at this time of night.

Other nights I just watch the days roll into one and other.

Friday night into Saturday morning.

Saturday night into Sunday morning.

Sunday night into Monday morning.

This one always seems to come the fastest.

Waking up doesn't come naturally to me either.

Some mornings, it’s less than easy.

Most mornings, it’s less than easy.

But, I guess that’s the same for all teenagers.

I need to get out of the habit of calling myself a teenager.

But, I guess that’s the same for everyone my age.

I don’t like school.

I don’t like to think about school when I am not there.

I don’t like to think about school when I am there.

I see school as something I do to keep those who care about me happy.

Some days, Jenny is there.

She’s not really a friend, more of an acquaintance.

Jenny comes in two days a week, Mondays and Thursdays.

But when she is there we tend not to go to school.

When Jenny isn't there, I am more productive.

When I say this, I mean I go to my lessons.

I don’t mind it when Jenny isn't there.

I quite like being on my own.

Loneliness is like second nature to me.

I don’t like going to my lessons because I think everyone there thinks I’m weird.

Some days I tell myself I’ll stay late to do work, but I rarely follow through with this.

I’d like to be successful someday.

I think good time management is needed for this.

I've never been good at time management.

Walking my dogs is a good way to kill time.

Sometimes I think I only live for my dogs.

But I think this is the same for all teenagers.

I mean, I think this is the same for everyone my age.

I enjoy coming out here.

It’s a good place to clear my head.

I always like it once I get here.

But sometimes, it can be hard to muster the energy to leave my bed.

My mum tells me I'm lazy.

But I know it’s more than that.

I also know that one day I will get back to my normal self.

Whoever that is.

I don’t like my mums cooking so I usually skip tea.

My dad tells me I’m rude not to eat what my mum cooks.

But, honesty is always the best policy. Right?

Most nights I have a shower.

If I have time I’ll have a bath.

Baths are a good way to kill time.

Once I read that over washing hair can cause an increase in grease.

So I don’t wash my hair as often as I use to.

Sometimes I get bored of my hair so I’ll dye it.

I like to change it up a bit.

I know the dye only damages it, but it will grow out.

Some days Netflix releases a new film, or series.

I will watch that until I get bored because it kills a few more hours of my day.

It doesn't get much more than this.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have fun.

But it’s nothing out of the ordinary.