I AM DOUBTFUL

I am doubtful

I am doubtful that good things are meant for me

I am doubtful that I am love-able or that love is free

I am doubtful

I am doubtful that people change

I am doubtful I'm not to blame

I am doubtful

I am doubtful that the world means well, but I notice the beauty in the ocean swells...

I am doubtful that God can see me but I see truth in the natural binding that my nose can smell...

I am doubtful

I am doubtful I'll stay like this forever, unaligned to things I want, tampering with desire like a kid and an imaginary wand...

I am doubtful

I am doubtful of doubt and the lies it tells, that for every one notion of unmaking an act follows, inundating...

I am doubtful that doubt means anything, any longer

I am doubtful that I can't be loved, I am doubtful that I owe it back, I am doubtful that I need to react...

I am doubtful

I am doubtful that there is no meaning in the way hearts crack, that there is no purpose to time's disproportion within its track....

I am doubtful that reading this will fix the lacking in a life too long had

But if you just hold this closely to your heart scraped bare, you'll see that timing is but a palisade for those willing to climb doubt's relentless stare...

I am doubtful that you've lost.