Hurt But Healing

These short writings are based on my personal experiences of a failed relationship. Interpret them how you’d like. Writing has helped me organize my thoughts and feelings and cope through anger and hurt. I’ve decided to post them because transparency is freeing, owning ugly parts of life allows you to pull yourself up out of that “dark” place. I am still healing, I am still hurt, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I WILL get there.

And if by chance you are reading this, you know who you are, just know you have changed me for the better and you were right: we don’t need you.

I wasn’t meant to love you, but I did

Solidity you claimed to be but that you never were

You spoke words I’ll never see-

and did things you’d never say

-Those promises you made to me

but here they stay, they stay with me.

maybe i knew i wasn’t meant to love you

for your actions never met your words

and i needed sincerity

maybe i wanted to believe you were more-

more than what meets the eye

i put your sin aside

maybe you’d be mine

I needed substance

You offered abuse

I needed a man

You gave me a child with no father

I needed more

You took from me

I needed peace

You just won’t let me be

Please let me be

i was too humble when it came to you

i almost forgot what i deserved

you knew how to preserve,

reserve the space i had to love

and take up every inch

the fuller my heart was the emptier i felt

the further away i was

til no longer was it me and you

it was us against the world, us without you

better without you.

•••

Ava Rodriguez