Human vs. System

Today I had an appointment with a nurse.

I hadn't met her before,

and I didn't even see her during our phone call.

Someone lost my appointment request form,

though I'd filled it out almost a week ago.

When will this stop? This negativity soaking through my bones?

I need human help, not a system.

The proliferation of alleged professionals I observe concerns me,

while I'm becoming a professional myself.

I know what's wrong; they don't.

Passing this on

feels like another job,

and I'd have to become a machine myself

to say the things that affect me.

When will this stop? This negativity soaking through my bones?

They don't understand how difficult it is to feel and express myself,

especially when I speak and I feel too.

I've waited too long for respect,

and now it's affecting me.

It's too much to speak calmly

with this AI-programmed doctor.

When will this stop? This negativity soaking through my bones?

It's gone too deep now,

like an arrow in my back.

They just stomp on me, making it worse,

offering no genuine support,

just mentioning or passing me off to someone else,

probably talking behind my back instead of talking to me.

I'm intimately familiar with this narrative,

history likes to repeat itself.

Human feelings always fail

when confronted with structural forms,

when the mind wanders freely

among this thicket of ill-formed questions.

When will this stop? This negativity soaking through my bones?

If you were a proper nurse, you could learn

taking care of the body and soul,

because it might affect you later.

So, what's your plan?

Will you just hand yourself over to someone else?

End up in this nightmare I'm in,

constantly feeling on edge,

only finding shaky remnants on the dirty ground.

What frustrates me most is enduring these feelings

to better show my current struggles.

Conceding that penning all this resolves the issue feels impossible,

it holds no value yet ,

only the mind becomes clearer

in this rat race to nowhere.

This system clearly doesn't have that.