how to be worth living

i infuriate myself

because

how can i be anything but happy

when the morning sun is warm on my face?

when it feeds me, rejuvenates me

and gives me life

how can i sit here

and be sad?

how can i feel nothing but self hatred

and wallowing regret?

i can hear the birds twitter in the sky

their sweet melodies, passionate and freeing

i can smell the grass of the earth

my earth, our earth

beneath my feet, the wafting scent of coffee

coming from my kitchen

from my family that i love

and i love it here

i do

and just like that, my sadness feels selfish

how can i think solely of myself

my decisions, my mistakes

when the world is different shades of blue

and yellow

and purple?

when i can see red, blue, green

pink, white, black, stunning—

whirlwinds of color before my eyes

that no creature beyond the human

has ever known

still, the questions that haunt:

am i better?

how can i be better?

can i be better?

how can i see life fully as a gift

and not a maze—how can i see myself as

trying instead of failing?

i ask the sun this

i ask the birds

i ask the clouds in the sky

and i ask myself—

how can i be worth living

in a world

of beauty?