How to Avoid Happiness

Begin by accepting the bare minimum,

expectations so small they fit in the palm of your hand.

Practice saying it’s fine in the mirror,

especially on days when it isn’t.

Avoid mornings.

If you must wake, do it slowly—

fight it so joy can’t slip between your eyelids

or get inhaled with your breath.

Do not stretch: stretching feels optimistic.

Remain idle.

Busy hands have a habit

of inventing small joys—

a task completed, a problem solved.

Satisfaction is how happiness sneaks in.

If laughter approaches, treat it like weather.

Wait it out.

Remember all the times it rained

after you trusted the sun.

Scroll through social media.

Follow millionaires, follow supermodels.

Compare! Compare! Compare!

Focus on everything you lack.

Measure your life in mundaneness:

laundry loads, deadlines, unpaid bills.

Never ask what something means

when you can ask what it costs.

At night, review the day carefully.

Note any moments that almost lifted you.

Make a plan to avoid those in the future.

Always sleep with one eye open.

Happiness is sneaky,

likes to creep in uninvited.

If you stay vigilant long enough,

it will learn

to pass you by.