Home is Where the Heart Aches

I cannot wait to say, my life is so much better.

I cannot wait to say, I should have done this all along.

I cannot wait to say, what on earth kept me from this pleasure?

I cannot wait to say, I finally belong.

O My sweet chariot, come forth join to me, my Home.

After so long without you. The days that I've counted,

Are as empty as the Skies above.

Apart, If we must Carry on as just,

A twinkling of the star, Upon which a wish I sent you.

Oh, Charioteer! Brave warrior of light, Sweet knight in white,

A soul so bright , I've been blinded.

If lived in my dreams, I would have you complete.

My heart is yours, As It will always be.

Whether or not I can touch you. I always have, always will, love you.

Thou art my heart. My soul apart.

I'd give everything for one moment beside you.

Someday they say, Love finds away,

To marry those flames Once parted.

Then such as when once together again,

may we better together this life started.

I have only known home In glimpses,

A whiff,

A brush with fleeting satisfaction

Bliss embodied, Not once enacted.

An aching, For something not yet held,

Something unachieved. Belonging to the wind.

Although I have never known you Outside of my heart and my mind.

I know I cannot be at home without you,

As I have never known a home outside of you.

I remain a lonely, restless, wanderer.

My head never rests at ease, My heart has yet to find peace.

Your arms are all I long for, Your presence, all I need.

I have yet to know the warmth of the day

As I know the warmth of your love.

Though I have not yet held your hand in mine,

I remember what we are yet to be.

May my dreams remain haunted

With the memory of what hasn't been.

The yearning for something not yet had,

A love not yet known, For a day that has yet to come.

I do not know, if we will ever meet each other face to face.

But I do know, that I am my most elated when pondering that possibility.

I do not know, if we will ever be free from the pain of yearning for one another.

But I do know, I feel my best when I imagine you alongside me.

The closer I find myself to you in my dreams ,

The further I am from the words to express

How much I love you, want you, need you, am grateful for you.

The closer we get in our hearts, the further I move from the words with which to reach you.

And reach you, I must.

I claw my way back to them. Those words that promise to carry me to you.

Words inspired by thoughts brought forth of my suffering.

The thoughts of you, that only the absence of you, Can bring forward.

Dreams that germinate through loneliness.

Passions that can only bloom after the isolating deep-freeze of separation has a chance to permeate their seed.

The kind of desire birthed of longing, conceived out of yearning.

The kind of faith found only among the secrets that come up from the darkest depths of our loneliness and despair.

The words that agony speaks in love.

So here I will sit with agony, loneliness, longing and despair.

I will sit, and I will listen.

Listen for each and every precious word.

For every hint, every clue, every key that may lead us to one another.

And I will shout them to the heavens

I will call them out endlessly, eternally.

I will forever call you to me.

I will tirelessly seek out the pieces uniting us.

Here I am Incapable,

Inescapable, Unmistakably yours.

And I am helpless to do or think about anything else. all day, everyday.

I spend my life dreaming that you're here. Lost in thought over you, giving my waking life to a daydream because I'm incapable of living without you.

And still I must have faith, That one way or another, we're going to find each other.

I want to meet you…

Where I stand.

My heart is open to you,

Where you sit.

Don't hesitate to enter...

You are welcome,

Expected,

Anxiously anticipated.

This space is held for you,

This heart waits for you.

To know you.

As this spirit knows you.

As this mind ponders you.

This heart longs for you.

Come,

Enter this space,

prepared just for you.

Fill this heart,

Shaped just like you.

Home,

Waits for you.

Home,

Misses you.

Home,

These doors are open for you.

You find your way.

So I return to you each night in my dreams,

The only place I have ever felt safe, secure or sheltered in love.

The only home I have ever known.

You are my Home,

Home, I come in my dreams.

And Home, I have yet to find.

Hiraeth, my soul.