Home Arrest

Every time I have been there

The walls were empty, the fridge was full

Even if my parents

Had a separate one

So why on earth

I had no rights to any freedom?

With the door open to my mum’s bedroom vis-à-vis

She heard every sound

From my room

I’m glad that I spoke in the foreign language

At least she could not follow all of it

My love affairs, broken relationships

Anyway, it was all my experience

That I never even wanted

And yet it has been given to me

Lying there and begging me to take it

With all the males willing to decide my fate

It wasn’t right, I know

The same way my mum wanted to decide

What kind of life I should lead

Using her empathy skills

Kindness and a sense of security

But with no hope

To change my state of mind

Years without new thoughts, all I had

Was music, books, films, no friends around

Just a faint feeling

About suspicious stability

What if they both died

In a car accident, without a plan

‘Cause death never chooses, wrapping us up

With all the thorns, thunderstorms, tricks

And we believe

We will oppose it for as long as we can

I’m glad I found my own ground

Somewhere else

Where I can feel more at home

Where I can buy my own coffee and tea

Where all worries disappear

Whilst I don’t think about the past

Just holding the future in my hands

Wide open

For new and newer opportunities

Which will surely come one day

I just have to be patient

And let new thoughts arise

Amidst challenging times

*

I’m too big to fit in your fridge, mum

*

22 September 2021

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