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My thoughts are a battlefield

Loss, blame, and self hatred

My brain is the dome for which the fighting is stuck

words unforgotten hold me in place

panic chokes out my cries for help

down on my knees begging for escape

My chest feeling crushed by the weight of anxiety

The what ifs of possible outcomes had different decisions been made

I feel like a monster in here

Everything bad that has ever happened is my fault in here

I try to reason with the voices of guilt and doubt

My own voice filled with hate aimed at myself

Telling me I can never be more than a demon

A omen to anything good that comes close to me

Crashing in the waves of loneliness

A hand up ready to surrender to the unknown, the seeping sadness ready to

escape my pores in a force strong enough to tear me apart at the seems

Never feeling wanted or welcome always looking in from the outside

Screaming in silence never to be noticed but then

Your voice blares through the darkest corners of my battlefield

ripping into the forms of myself that would have defeated me

sending them crawling to recoup for another day, another time I'm left alone

My heart finally feels like its going to stop trying to claw its way from my own chest

My dome crumbles leaving me aimless and tired but I cant help but smile as I look up at you

Your bright shining eyes all on me

Waiting for a snack and a hug, a "How was your day at school?"

Followed by laughter that scares away the demons, cuddles that quiet the storms

Love so strong and outpouring I cant help but to take it all in with greed

Finally relaxing into my familiar role, the battlefield quiet for now

as I say welcome home.