Her

Her smooth lips

i still remember the way she used to touch her hair all the time, trying to fix it

when she looked straight into my eyes it felt like we disappeared, together, just us

in another universe, time stopped for a while

and when it started again i had to catch my breath before slipping

It didn't last long but felt like a lifetime, it still haunts me as gloomy and chilling as that sounds, some days the thoughts of her i manage to keep tucked away as easily as shutting an empty draw, but days like today are harder, it's like the draw is overflowing with rivers of memories but there's no hole, the water isn't coming from anywhere, it's just there.

Time passes and i've changed. At least i like to think i have, it almost seems as if the mistakes i made then hadn't come from me, or at least a different version of me. Someone who hadn't quite figured out who they are and although at the time i felt as though i was right, that my actions and words were justified, i can't convince myself of that anymore. Everyone feels different things at different times and you can never make someone feel a certain way. It sometimes feels like i did it to myself intentionally, i knew that i would regret my actions, i knew i wasn't right but i wanted to prove something, somehow to impress my surrounding friends because what they said seemed like the answer and i thought their reaction should be mine too, even though it wasn't and never was.

Compassion and understanding is always needed, now i know i can't change the past so i try not do dwell on it, i just can't help thinking of what could of happened if i handled it better back then, would i be who i am today?

Well i guess we'll never know, and i guess i'm okay with that.