Held Back By Memories

some nights i dream of you

and i can feel the sky crashing down on me

and my hands clutching at my heart

and my eyes

brimming with memories.

and some nights,

i can feel

my hands reaching out.

trying their hardest

to touch you,

to hold you

and some nights

they almost do.

but as i reach

you seem to fade away,

as if you were only a shadow.

of a person, a memory

in my mind that i once knew.

now i can't stop,

you were all i had.

the light to my dark times,

but all you seemed to cause is sorrow,

a sadness that is eternal.

never-ending, like the love i have for you.

because the pain you caused me,

made me believe that our love was real.

and everlasting,

but now i'm breaking.

falling deeper and deeper,

into despair.

i can't seem to find,

a happy place because of you.

you were the reason,

i found beauty,

in this existence.

but now that you're gone,

laying down beneath the sheets.

of my bed stuck in,

a paralyzed fear that i won't

ever be happy again.

i can't seem to walk away from the voices,

inside my brain, they tell me i'm not okay.

and i believe them because,

i cant find a reason not too.

i know deep in my soul that,

i will never be okay.

always broken, always shattered,

i need something to repair my wounds. not even stitches can lock my sadness away