Heartbreak

Heartbreak

Bruised and bloodied I sit

Defeated, but not dead

Barely

Trapped

Once again

Far down, below the surface

A deep, dark hole

One that I have neither the ability nor willpower to climb

If I cry, I fear I will drown in its depths

So I don’t

I sit

A plague that lives inside me

Restrained by the flesh, it eats away at me

Not noticeable on the outside, only I can feel it’s weight

So I sit, head down

Nothing below me

If I drop further, I will never return

And I wait…

And wait…

And wait…

But eventually

After seemingly eons have passed

I can barely remember the feel of the surface

The freedom to walk, to speak,

To feel the sun upon my face

The hole seems a little less dark

It seems a little less deep

The plague begins to slow its feast

I raise my head, though the effort threatens To break my neck

I look up at the surface

I cry, and I wish I could fly

Like the birds, high above

The land will never feel the same

Always a little darker, a little smaller

Tainted by my time in the hole

But the birds begin to call

And the chains, they begin to fall

As I slowly grow closer to the surface

Eventually I stumble out of the hole

The scars will never fade, the plague will never end, and the holes will never disappear

I meet someone, trying to leave their own hole behind

They spent longer in theirs

Though mine was deeper

We begin to walk, we begin to talk

We occasionally skip

But I don’t dare smile

For a smile is a deception

To stay on the surface forever, to feel free

Only an illusion

Fear of parting ways

Fear of falling into a hole

This one deeper

This one darker

I have been here before

Each time, I question if I will escape

Back to the surface

So I don’t dare smile

We begin to want to walk different ways

To have difference dreams

One wishes to fly, one to build a home, far away from the holes

So I fear that to the holes we will return

We may skip now, speak now,

But to smile is just to ignore the truth

They want to smile

And can’t deny themselves a slight grin

-but I do not

Whether unable or unwilling,

I know not

Though I can’t deny

The longer we walk

The more the hole seems to fade

The scars bother me less

The plague merely a nuisance

And I want,

against logic,

against reason,

To smile

-Shayde