Hard to Love

Hard to love

That’s what they told me I am.

No guy will ever want me

Unless I do whatever he asks.

I should always wear make up

Hair and outfit on point

If I just followed their simple recipe

I could have any man I desired.

They did not understand

I could never love a man,

With their annoying habit

Of thinking they’re better than me.

It was girls

Who made my heart

Beat out of my chest

Girls don’t judge you

On your appearance

At least not the ones

Who made made me melt.

Girls were soft

And kind

And every form of beauty combined.

I didn’t know how to express it.

I wasn’t sure I was allowed.

I’ve been told to feel one way

For my whole life

But I just can’t control my heart

Or the butterflies in my stomach

When we’re cuddling at night

and our shirts ride up

And our skin finally touches,

I feel more in that innocent touch

Than with any guy

Who I allowed to touch me before

I know this is real

I try to convince myself it’s not.

Old habits

Really do die hard.