Hands Pt. II

You held my hand

Tracing around it with your thumb

I have never felt that much comfort in what feels like an eternity.

I felt safe.

As soon as you touched me I felt the walls start to crumble

I never knew it could be this easy, this simple

And for a split second, I thought to myself

I deserve this happiness

Maybe it is finally my time

Maybe this is the calm after the storm

Because every time I looked into those sparkling green eyes it felt right

It felt like the end of a terrible chapter and the beginning of a happily ever after

And for once, just once I let myself believe it.

It was like being underwater and coming out for air

I no longer wanted to be held down by tangled weeds of misery

I wanted to breathe again.

I should have known it wouldn't last

I should have questioned if it was real to begin with

It felt so much like a dream maybe because it was one

You decided to let go of my hand which now I fidget with

Almost as if I was addicted to your touch and couldn't live without it

But I need to

I don't have a choice

But you did.

You chose to stop loving me

You chose to walk away

You decided my walls weren't crumbling at the speed you desired

So instead of waiting, holding my hand and walking me through it

You ran

You have left me with crumbling walls that I cannot build or break

I am left in this vulnerable state

The only cure is you tracing your thumb up and down my hand

reasssuring me that i'm not alone

But I am alone

Your hand isn't for me to hold anymore

Sometimes I doubt it ever was.