Gun to Head

My heart starts pounding the moment her scream rings through the hall

and I shove through a crowd of evils

but the girls are already being separated.

How dare you

every inch of me burns with the words How dare you

what being gave you the right to raise your fist

and drop bombs of insecurity and traumatization

How can you

stand around do nothing to help

laughing

because it's so damn funny

It's so funny how some children walk through halls

checking every corner like the monsters under their beds have come alive in another teenage face

It's so funny

how some children hold the stains that are the evidence of the ones who brought them into this world

almost taking them out

It's so funny

how I look at my skin and feel out of place when there are no bruises

because the biggest ones

were left inside me

Why did you stop laughing?

Have I tainted the wonderful entertainment of that moment for you?

Am I making you feel horrible and guilty?

Well, I hope so

but you're probably still justifying

After all, your reaction was only natural

Well I was under the impression that when someone is getting hurt

you're supposed to help them

not use their pain

to make you feel like you were a part of that moment

to make you feel

superior

like the girl that is hitting her

you hit her

and every laugh

every moment you stood by will

hit her

like a mother blind to her husband's wandering hands

to their daughter

like a friend who said goodnight

when they were the last hand

holding a suicide victim

above water

You might as well have been pulling the trigger

It's not funny

and I, myself, will never laugh at how, for years, I would flinch

every time my mother turned to me or

when someone tried to hug me

Years of damage done in seconds

seconds

you chose to stand laughing

when you choose to do nothing

You are the teacher who never punished the student

who tormented the boy

who would come back to school one day with his own

weapon of justice

You are the sibling that remained silent

when friends called a sister fat

and when that sister

hung herself

every day over a toilet

You are the nazi in world war two

who was just

following

orders

You become nothing

not a hero

not technically a villain

So don't be surprised when you don't mean

anything

to

anyone

Don't open your mouth

because I'm not going to apologize

for simply making you feel uncomfortable

when you're the one

who made someone

feel like their life

wasn't worth

...

(Gun to Head)