Growing Pains: A Short Collection of Poetry

Background

I have held onto a secret for months, but for the record, I am unsure if I would still count it as a secret since only a few close friends know. Regardless, I never announced it on social media, let alone to my family. I wanted to keep it a secret until I was close to finishing.

You may think I have finished whatever I am working on and that I am announcing my big secret! Unfortunately, you would be wrong.

Long story short, I worked on my "big secret" for a couple of months, but after it began affecting my mental health, I realized I was not ready to continue.

So, you want to know my secret?

At the beginning of the summer, I decided I was going to write a poetry book. After writing and publishing poetry in contests for about 13 years, I felt it was time.

Once I began researching how to write a poetry book, themes, and publishing options, I created a document listing each step in the process. I selected a theme, title, and the number of poems I wanted to include.

I eventually reached one of the most significant steps, writing poetry. It was then that everything became real.

Since I was developing this book in the summer, the first theme that came to my head was nostalgia. Mainly the nostalgia for my hometown and old memories.

So, I traveled back to my hometown and stayed for a week. I took tons of pictures for my book and visited my favorite spots for inspiration. Everything was all grand until I came back home.

Although I had everything I needed and felt confident in my writing, my project started affecting my mental health. I often romanticized my past and yearned to go back to live the memories I did not have the chance to make. I felt lost and angry. Around July, I decided I was not in a good head space to keep going, and I stopped pursuing a big dream.

So, you may be wondering why I have told you all of this. Throughout my writing process, I wrote a few poems that captured my feelings of nostalgia, anger, and sadness.

It is some of my most meaningful work, and I want to share it on this platform as I hope people can relate to my feelings and understand the pain of nostalgia.

I hope you enjoy my poems.

The Death of You

I used to grasp tightly onto my teenage years.

As I strained my hands,

the nostalgia for my hometown and old friends filled my heart.

Despite the years of sadness and heartbreak,

I wanted to relive the years I lost.

Instead, I now grieve the person I left behind,

yet feel them as an ache in my chest.

My ghost still lingers in the streets, wondering if I will ever return to heal.

A Homesick Fool

"How can one yearn for experiences that did not occur?"

Their mind grasps old, bleak memories.

Holding on tightly, it pries them apart, creating holes in time.

Such holes allow nostalgia to slip in and fester into romanticized, distorted memories.

Only a homesick fool would reminisce warped memories.

I Am They

There is a different type of anger that builds inside someone

when they realize the people around them

were able to experience their youth

and they never had that chance.

So, they spend their adulthood

chasing, reminiscing, and gaining experiences

that may never compare.

Just Visiting

When summer comes around, I visit the place I used to call home.

Except, I am no longer a local.

I am a tourist, a stranger.

As I create memories with the ones I love, in the town I love,

I still search the streets for the vacant spirit I left behind.