Grounded in the Universe

Five things I see,

Four things I touch,

Three things I hear,

Two things I smell,

One thing I taste.

I repeat it in my head,

Like a radio station’s hottest hits,

I repeat it as I shake and cry,

Hoping it will stop.

It doesn’t.

No matter how I try to focus,

These grounding techniques fail,

My mind spirals further,

Thoughts and feelings collide.

I feel it physically,

Coursing through my veins,

Like antidepressants I’m forced to take,

“They’ll make you feel better,” they say,

Not knowing there’s nothing left to improve.

I can’t escape this prison body,

This prison life,

What did I do so wrong in a past life?

I write letters to those I love,

Pouring out my soul on paper,

The pen moves, my mind and body follow,

Tears stain the page.

“Are you okay?” they ask.

No, I am not.

Every day I fight an invisible battle,

Something off or not working right,

It’s enough to push me over the edge.

Is everyone like this?

Apparently not.

No place in society for me,

No place in my mind,

No place in my body.

I am a spirit longing to be free,

Earth is not my home, the universe is.

Maybe I’m not made for the human experience,

Maybe I need to return home, among the stars,

An atom floating in space,

Waiting to become something greater.

Perhaps I’m destined to be a star,

In an unknown galaxy, far from here,

Or maybe,

Just maybe, a black hole,

Cold and mysterious, yet with a purpose.

Maybe I’m not meant to be known,

Maybe erasing my existence is the universe’s plan,

Erasing this human experience,

Destined for a greater purpose among the stars.