Grieve for the Innocence

Three and a half years,

That's how long I hid the tears.

You said so many times I was thirteen

In the body of a twenty-two year old,

I was a mere child but it was my innocence you stole.

I tried to run but you gave chase,

And after time you became a stranger with a familiar face.

Once upon a time I was so naïve,

That life could never stop me

from achieving what I firmly believed.

But then you came along and turned my world upside down,

I let my fake smile fade when nobody was around.

I may walk around like I'm fine,

But you people don't know what haunts

and troubles me in my mind.

When asked I would make up some stupid lame excuse,

Slipping on the familiar fake smile to cover up the abuse.

I don't want you all to see the secrets that I hide,

To see how easily I dodge all your questions with lies.

You told me not to tell or 'we would both go down in the end,'

To lie to my mother, my sisters - my family, my friends.

But I thought about my two little sisters and how guilty I would be,

If I did nothing and let you do to her what you did to me.

Rape sticks with you throughout your life - I know that quite well,

As I sit at home as a robot, on autopilot, and as a empty shell.

Now all I can do now is sit here and try to understand,

Where everything went wrong and spiraled out of plan.

People annoy and anger me way too quick,

I am always like a ticking time bomb - tick, tick, tick.

One day, hopefully one day soon, I would get the help I need:

To be able to cry for the innocence

that was ripped away and lost,

To properly grieve.