Grief

In the span of 3 years,

I have said goodbye to

1 aunt

2 uncles

2 cousins

And

1 grandparent

In 3 years.

*

It’s crazy, I used to say grief came in waves,

That’s how it was when my Granny passed.

The worst part was the final goodbye.

It felt like an earthquake of earth shattering proportion.

I had never lost anyone before.

I didn’t know it then but she was just the first.

I was so sheltered and protected from the gruesome reality that is life,

I found out the hard way that

It always ends.

No matter how good you are or how unfair it is.

I thought the pain I felt would never pass and then as time went on I could think of her and smile.

So many memories,

Too many for this poem to contain.

Other days, I would think of her and sob, because the ache that she left in my chest was unbearable that day.

Grief came in waves, you see.

Predictable patterns I could figure out and avoid.

But now I feel trapped under the never ending surging waters.

My rescuers diminishing in numbers every day.

I find myself begging for just a break,

The false security that comes with calm waters because they never stay that way.

As I grew, I learned the real tragedy of life was not that it simply ended but that death was unpredictable and good people can die young.

I’m overwhelmed by the memories,

Too many for my heart to hold.

But I can’t bring myself to let any of them go.

My grief is now a tsunami,

And I fear I won’t survive the wreckage this time.