Frozen

It's slowly creeping onto me,

that thing I've been running from.

900 miles away and it still finds it's way to me.

Every year.

Another tear,

or two.

Too many thoughts cloud my mind.

Thoughts that dig into me until I give in.

I deceive everyone with the flash of a smile.

Who knew I could lie to myself?

But how I wish...

I wish I was as happy as I want to be,

as we all think I am.

I could be counting my blessings.

I could be thanking God for what he has given me.

And the things he chose not to give me?

Self-assurance?

Confidence?

Self-love?

The things that eat at me as I'm trying.

Trying to make friends

Trying to succeed.

Trying to be happy.

But I always come up short,

during my Winter Time Depression.