From Cecily to Algernon

My love,

It is probably surprising to hear me call you that

But that is who you are to me

My first

And only love

My Algernon

I'm writing to say

I miss you

I miss our friendship

Our talks late into the night

I miss your smile

And the first time I saw you

Without a mustache

Your little baby face

I miss fish taco Tuesdays

And cooking with you

And you putting frozen waffles down my shirt

I miss you wrapping me in your arms

And telling me you want to marry me

Because I have a Costco card

And I know

I know it is my fault

That I am missing these things

I know it was me

That ruined everything

I blamed my depression

I blamed the fact that I couldn't feel

Anything

And now that I feel everything...

What am I saying?

It's not like I will get another chance with you

So why am I writing this?

Is it so you will see it?

I hope not

Is it in hopes this will change anything?

I know it won't

Maybe I am writing this

To try to forgive myself

Because you have found your happiness

With someone else

This should mean that we were not meant to be

This should mean that I did the right thing

The right thing...

Why does "the right thing"

Feel like the worst mistake of my life?

Why can't I find my own happiness

With someone else?

When will I not feel like I lost

The love of my life?

When will I not cry when I read about romance

No matter how fictional?

I should be happy for you

I should be happy for her

I should be happy!

I should be happy...

But instead

I am missing you

You

My first

And only love

I will always be

Your Cecily

Very sincerely yours,

A broken heart