I toss out what I’ve written as if it’ll stop what I’m feeling.
Like throwing some wads in the sea will cut off my mind reeling.
I watch them float away. Still the thoughts I wrote, stay.
Stupid of me to throw out a piece of what belongs to me.
Though I hate the clouds, they follow me.
Constantly reminding me of the girl I used to be.
So young and naive.
If I could go back in time, I would slap past me silly.
I would tell her to please try hard to be somebody.
But it’s a shame this will never even get to me.
Stuck in this habit of feeling like there’s something wrong with me.
Never letting go of the things that you said to me.
Always knew I wasn’t skinny.
That’s not what I carried with me.
Made me hate on big girls because that’s what you labeled me.
But instead of telling me to embrace my chubby shape, you made me feel like a disgrace.
Every time I saw my face, I saw what you put in its place.
How did you expect me to feel?
Every time I brought up what you did, you’d act like like what happened wasn’t real.
Like the pain you caused didn’t kill.
Like it didn’t take weeks for the bruises to heal.
All this time and I still remember it all. So many memories I wish I’d just forget them all.
I still wonder how you’ve been because it’s been so long.
Because I still love you even though you did me wrong.
Even though you broke my heart, I’ve had the strength to move on.
Had the strength to dial your number and go through with it.
Cause when the baggage gets too heavy to carry and there’s no one to help you, what do you do with it?
Exhaustion washed over me, I could fight no longer.
Finally realized that to forgive, makes you stronger.