Forever Lost In My Head

From the day he proposed

to the day he said no,

I pictured myself

in a happy home.

Every night before I ended my time

overseas,

I closed my eyes and pictured

our forever home.

We’d have a big house

that stood out in the neighborhood.

Visiting friends would know

which house

was ours.

Every room in our house

had a shelf full of books

for us to escape

when other humans

exhausted us.

We’d take turns cooking

our favorite meals.

I’d find dishes from

the days overseas,

and he’d find favorites

from our childhood

and more.

And we both had time

to work on our dreams

from home.

His business would boom,

and I’d create

and change the world,

and he, his children, and I

would see more of the world

as a family.

But that home is in my head.

What once was clear

is a fading picture now.

I never should’ve got on that plane.

I never should’ve said yes.

I never should’ve opened up

and handed out the tools

to my destruction

with a smile.

I might have a place

to rest my head,

but without love,

I have no home.