For The Time We Can't Return To

I want to reach out and say I love you

I miss you and I’m sorry

That our friendship is dissolving

Like the electrolyte tab in my water cup

Forever tinted by the taste of knowing you

But nothing I can hold on to

Our eyes meet and I understand

why you don’t answer my call

When the I that is calling is not the I

Before the waters broke and drowned

Soaked wet every corner of who I am

Nothing escaped, not even you and I

I’m using the last postcard you sent as a bookmark

I’ve learned your handwriting by heart

And your voice and face are in my mind

I’ve crossed over to another land

I’m a mother now and the days are still early

just surviving sometimes and that’s a lot for another to take

I see that there’s a hurt behind your eyes

And new wounds on your heart and I’m not able

To stop and tend them like I used to

I dream we will meet again one day

And we will have more to say

I’ll bring more to the table than a quaking

Overstimulated spirit, my eyes

Will not look so tired, I’ll have read

More than children’s books

And little hands won’t be clinging anymore

I’ll have the space to listen again

Until then, I faith a red thread unbroken

We are still bound by blood and river

I imagine I still feel the tug

Our heartbeat a hippy in the forest

Spelling LOVE with rocks for passerby

We are nights the music filled the sky

As we danced and smoked and laughed

so hard I was sure I’d die

I’ve been trying to somehow save it

a lost cause, this house will never be the same

But the foundation is not cracked

It’s just split open, a million uneven lines

But the land is still ours so I’m dropping

Seeds from my longtime pockets

Into the devastating crevices

Watering and watching and waiting for the first signs

That there is more life coming

from the death that has bled between us

It’s nobody’s fault, not yours and not mine

I’ll keep reaching out and being grateful

Forever, friend, I love you forever.