For Her Sake

It’s exhausting, this existence -

constantly on edge,

dragging my corpse around,

demanding it play along

to the strings threaded to its flesh.

I thought I was on the other side

approaching the dawn of a new decade

with a more wise understanding -

something other than this.

This burning fire in my chest,

this shakiness in my breast,

the weakness in my fingertips,

the shadow haunting the edge of my psyche

waiting for that one weak point

to deal the final killing blow.

I wrestle with the stray thoughts,

bombarding me like thrown stones

telling me ‘this is too much’,

‘I just want this pain to end’,

but I refuse.

I refuse.

I refuse.

I refuse.

I have people in my life

that I refuse to live without;

that I refuse to hurt

by crumbling to those stones.

I want to see where that love

can take me.

I want to witness the life

that could yet spring from it.

I want to live.

I want to live.

I want to live.

I won’t give up, not because I have to,

but because I must,

for the sake of the little girl I once was

who dreamed of stories among the stars.