i want to write
about my father’s
death
make a clear
connection
between all of
the mistakes
i’ve made
and
the grief
i’ve never
dealt with.
connect
the words
i didn’t say
at his
funeral
to all the times
i felt unheard.
i want to write
about battling
to see him
as
untarnished
but living
long enough
to see
him
as merely human
point out
my difficulty
to trust
as a
byproduct
of never
wanting to be
left again.
regard myself
highly
for not
falling apart
but
needing a
therapist
all the same
i want to write
about being
better
healed
an acceptance
of my fatherless
existence
but i only
have fire in
the back of my eyes
i only have
the few photos
i can bear
to look at
and his last name
that
someday
will be replaced
i am eternally 16
still
insurmountably wounded
by a sudden shift
in my world
that no one
prepared me for
i am still searching
for my father
in every man
who loves
jazz
still disappointed
to return from
my journeys
unloved
unprotected
and
more hollow
i want to write about
my father
my father
my…
—father’s day
About the Creator
Iman Milner
birthed by jazz, raised by hip hop---i am the girl tupac told to keep her head up and the bitch miles warned would brew. i write because i am far too often silenced and my pen lets me scream.
Instagram: @imannmilner
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