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Following Sisi

And I didn't even know it.

By Maureen Kellar-KirbyPublished 2 years ago Updated 2 years ago 2 min read
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Sisi and I

Following Sisi, my childhood was wild. The forests were my friend, the sun and the wind, my joy.

Following Sisi I climbed on horseback as soon as I could walk and charged through forests, flying over fences deep in the wilderness. Submerged in nature I communed with maples and firs, snakes and frogs and escaped into pristine lakes. Rebellious and headstrong, I could not be tamed.

Following Sisi I became a writer and poet, emptying my mind and heart onto paper, penned books and fed a romantic heart that wound its way through amorous adventures. Just as if was for Sisi, marriage would be a convenience of opposites that would not satisfy the soul.

Following Sisi I wandered the halls in a tortured haze mourning my capture, trapped into circumstances beyond control and rules that restricted expression. In the midst of strangers, seeking escape, I would never feel at home. Tears could not ease the pain beyond closed doors that no one else could understand.

Following Sisi I once more met Franz Joseph who turned his back on me, that crazy Sisi who had run from him and destroyed his life and empire. He would choose instead the fame again that he had rightly earned but would not marry. In life, we would run from each other, in dreams we would marvel the continuous secret rendezvous. Lonely and comitted to position, just as Franz Joseph had been, he would soul mine and reflect his choices until the end.

Following Sisi I searched for the boy that I had lost and found Crown Prince Rudolph again against all odds. He was still just as mad and so was I but this time, when he pleaded for help I would respond, again and again until my pockets were empty and the price was paid. Franz Joseph would cross his path and choose to ignore the one who had disgraced him but Rudolph and I would arrive at the brink together and this time survive thanks to the intervention of angels.

Following Sisi I would worship the fountain of youth but resent the long locks that attracted admirers. Routines of supplements and health would replace routines of beauty but I would retain perfectionism and strive for excellence in every detail.

Following Sisi I travelled the country, from place to place, a nomad in flight. " Why are you so tortured", in Mexico they'd ask and I could not answer why I was running from a collapsed empire that no longer existed and the child that I had lost. I would make my bed in strange hotels and worship silence until forever.

Following Sisi my life was also tragically marked by knife and assassin that left scars but I would survive barely my life instead of the grave.

For a lifetime I followed Sisi and I didn't even know it.

surreal poetry
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About the Creator

Maureen Kellar-Kirby

Maureen Kellar-Kirby, author of "Go Back Jack" and "The Leprechaun Who Was Not a Mouse" - Total Recall Press - movie scripts "Go Back Jack", "Jimi's Last Poem" and "Idiot House" with music soundtracks. https://www.maureenkellar.com.

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