Finding My Freedom

It feels like I’m creating a positive world of delusion, tricking myself into believing the opposite of what is real — but what I’m really trying to do is heal from all the damage life has done on my body, mind, and soul.

It is not my fault, yet I have to take responsibility to undo — what they have done.

It’s all still there, all the triggers and anger and sadness and fears… that scared little girl and young woman is hiding and living right underneath my skin. I hide her daily with confidence and strength and wisdom… but now, now I have no control in hiding her, or keeping it under my skin.

It’s seeping through.

Little by little, dripping from the pores of my skin, causing me to fall into this daze of wonder. Making me deeply question which world in my head is real and which one isn’t.

To believe that I am not crazy, or sick, or that there isn’t something wrong with me is absurd…

But, I must choose to believe myself when I am in the midst of tranquility, when my heart and mind are calm and telling me that I am not those things that I have always believed.

I must name IT and not myself.

Emotional abuse.

Verbal abuse.

Physical abuse.

Sexual abuse.

Not once, not twice, but many times and consistently throughout my life.

Not by one, not by two, but by many throughout my life.

It has chipped away at who I am, stolen my light, my essence, my freedom, my security, my truth.

…and, ultimately, it is up to me—to rebirth it all