Fighting the Past: A Spine's Rebirth

sterile, stark, snowy white room,

as frigid as a morgue,

a narrow gurney lay quietly, center stage, for its star.

harsh beeps bounce off the crisp, cemented walls.

machines stand as tall, like soldiers waiting

for their command.

**

shuffling my muted beige socked feet to the table,

a nurse’s voice, soft with directions:

“lay down flat,

scoot down.

more.

more.

more.

head up,”

a plastic lifeline slips into my nose,

a warm blanket pulled up my legs.

a wild contrast of feeling cozy

my gown pulled apart,

icy swabs skates over

my pale skin,

an inner tremor stirs,

like a earthquake rising

deep from my bones.

**

the sharp, sterile scent of antiseptic perfumed the air,

mingling with the faint smells of latex, metal and medicine,

a scent that clutched at my rapid heartbeat.

**

my doctor stands,

a director at the helm,

an x-ray machine ready,

waiting to say, “ACTION”

my arm being pulled under me,

a cold rush of liquid calm seeps into my veins,

a tranquil river’s peaceful escape.

my eyes begin to fall...

**

a thought of my parents

echoes, with them saying

“You are crazy to do this”

and I reply

“Mom, Dad..sorry I wasn’t brave enough to endure the pain”

**

piercing pain invades my lower spine,

rolling like hot flames,

quickly traveling down my leg,

then as fast as a lightning bolt,

they are gone.

arms snake out to sit me up,

carefully seating me in a wheelchair,

comments from the doctor and nurses,

“Hopefully, you will start to feel better.”

numbly, my ragged Ann doll body,

wilts in the uncomfortable chair.

"Me too," I softly answer.

*****

Yesterday, I had my first steroid epidural injections. They are a very common treatment for spinal pain, but for me, it was a big step to take, especially with the lingering childhood fears that my parents had always carried about spine procedures. My hope is that this injection will last for a long long time. I would like to feel no more pain.

Thank you for reading.