Fear

Fear…

Fear of what?

Of fire?

I've walked barefoot for so long that I can no longer feel my feet,

the ashes no longer want to rise again,

I'm tired of waking up every morning and finding everything still the same.

I feel a burning cold inside me,

it slowly destroys me,

it makes me feel lost,

I don't know when or where I got lost,

there's nothing left of me.

I feel like I'm falling into an abyss, I fall and fall, but I never touch the ground,

I try to ask for help, but no matter how much I scream, no one hears me,

no one understands the signs, it's my fault for thinking that we all think and feel the same.

My plate is full, the table is full, and although I'm grateful for that, something inside me can't seem to be reborn, to connect, to simply be... I have no appetite; I just lie and smile, pretending everything is alright,

foolishly believing no one noticed the tears I shed all night, since sleep is something I've also lost, and at night I only hear the screams inside me.

Only destructive thoughts come to me.

I barely remember anything from my childhood; my past is a blur.

I only know that when I try to remember, sadness overwhelms me,

and when I try to look to the future, I see nothing, there's nothing, I can't see anything.

I swear I try, but there's a kind of magnetism that won't let me move forward, that only knocks me down and beats me down, reminding me how weak and pathetic I am.

My eyes are sad and bright,

devoid of hope,

waiting for something that won't happen, waiting for someone who won't arrive.

I've lost so much in my life, I don't know how I keep going.

All those I called friends are gone. What was once my home, I watched burn.

Life cruelly showed me that I'm 100% replaceable.

I've lost so many, I've distanced myself from so many, but the lack of messages makes me understand they were never really there.

They were just moments in my life to teach me not to be like them.

A failure, with a clown's smile and tears that keep falling in my dark room.