Fear

You wouldn't understand what it feels like,

To feel the fear,

Feel the panic;

Feel the shakes,

The sweats,

And,

The tears,

Whilst feeling excited in that crowd.

That one star,

I always wanted to see is still on that stage,

My eyes are glued to him;

Though I'm terrified.

Fireworks flare,

They are everywhere,

People, they cheer;

When I freeze,

They stop and stare.

Tears roll down my face,

My eyes dart;

I'm looking for the trauma,

Before the show starts.

I fake a smile,

I let out a cheer,

Though, I don't want the crowd to see me here.

My knees are weak,

My heart is trembling,

Its OK;

It's dark,

They can't see me.

The show has ended;

I make my way out,

Head down in embarrassment,

Shame becomes my cloud.

My heart beats fast,

Every bone shakes;

I fake a smile,

I act as if nothing happened.

I rush to the door,

I can't wait to get out;

I can hear my breathing in my ears.

I'm finally outside,

But, I can't walk anymore;

I know I've had a panic attack,

Though they all ignore.

It's a thing I hide,

Because you all shame me,

Happiness is a mask

Because you act as if I'm crazy.

You wouldn't understand my past.